Understanding the difference between โBy Whoโ or โBy Whomโ can feel confusing, especially when both phrases seem similar in everyday English. Many people wonder which one is grammatically correct and when it should be used.
The answer depends on the role of the word in a sentence. โWhomโ is traditionally used as an object, while โwhoโ is generally used as a subject. For example, formal English often prefers โBy whom was this written?โ
However, in modern and casual conversations, many people naturally say โBy who was this written?โ Even though it may sound more common, it is not always considered grammatically correct in formal writing. Learning the difference can help you write clearer emails, assignments, articles, and professional messages.
Quick Answer โก
“By whom” is grammatically correct because “whom” is the object of the preposition “by.” “By who” is technically incorrect in formal writing, but it’s so common in casual speech that most people won’t blink if you use it. Use “whom” for formal writing and “who” for everyday conversation.
Let’s break this down properly, though, because there’s a lot of useful stuff to learn here. ๐
Why This Confuses So Many People
English has two words who and whom that both refer to a person, but they play different grammatical roles. Unlike other languages that keep this distinction crystal clear, English speakers have slowly started blending the two in casual speech.
Add prepositions like “by,” “to,” “with,” “from” into the mix, and things get even trickier. That’s exactly why phrases like “by who” vs “by whom” trip up so many writers, students, and even professionals. ๐
Here’s the core issue:
- Who is a subject pronoun (like “he,” “she,” “they”)
- Whom is an object pronoun (like “him,” “her,” “them”)
Once you get that distinction, this whole topic becomes much easier.
“Who” vs “Whom” The Real Meaning

๐น Who (Subject Pronoun)
“Who” is used when the pronoun is doing the action in a sentence it’s the subject.
Examples:
- Who wrote this report?
- Who is coming to the party?
- Who left the door open?
In each case, “who” is performing the action (writing, coming, leaving).
๐น Whom (Object Pronoun)
“Whom” is used when the pronoun is receiving the action, or when it follows a preposition like “by,” “to,” “with,” or “for.”
Examples:
- Whom did you invite? (You invited whomย whom receives the action)
- To whom should I address this letter?
- By whom was the decision made?
The “By Who” or “By Whom” Question, Specifically

When you add the preposition “by” before who/whom, grammar rules say the pronoun must be in the object form which is “whom.”
That’s why:
โ “By whom was this painting created?” Correct (formal/written English) โ ๏ธ “By who was this painting created?” Common in speech, but grammatically incorrect
Examples in Full Sentences
| Sentence | Correct? | Notes |
| By whom was the letter written? | โ Yes | Formal and grammatically correct |
| By who was the letter written? | โ ๏ธ Informal | Common in casual speech, avoided in writing |
| The book was written by whom? | โ Yes | Object of preposition “by” |
| Who is this gift by? | โ Yes (informal) | “Who” at the end shifts tone casually |
| Whom is this gift by? | โ ๏ธ Awkward | Grammatically valid but sounds stiff |
Fun fact: Ending a sentence with a preposition (like “Who is this by?”) is completely acceptable in modern English, especially in casual and spoken contexts. ๐ฃ๏ธ
Simple Trick to Remember: The “Him” Test ๐ง
Here’s the easiest mnemonic ever, and it works almost every time:
If you can replace the word with “him,” use “whom.” If you can replace it with “he,” use “who.”
Both “whom” and “him” end in -m that’s your memory trick! ๐
Try it yourself:
- “By ___ was this made?” โ “By him” โ โ so it’s “by whom”
- “___ made this?” โ “He made this” โ โ so it’s “who”
| Question | Replace With | Answer |
| ___ is calling? | He is calling | Who |
| To ___ should I speak? | Speak to him | Whom |
| By ___ was it approved? | Approved by him | Whom |
| ___ approved it? | He approved it | Who |
Comparison Table: Who vs Whom vs By Whom
| Term | Grammatical Role | Formal Usage | Example |
| Who | Subject pronoun | Common in speech & writing | Who called you? |
| Whom | Object pronoun | Formal writing, official docs | Whom did you call? |
| By who | Preposition + subject pronoun (technically incorrect) | Informal speech only | By who was this sent? |
| By whom | Preposition + object pronoun (correct) | Formal writing, legal/academic contexts | By whom was this sent? |
Common Mistakes People Make ๐ซ
- Using “who” after every prepositionย because “whom” sounds old-fashioned.
- โ To who does this belong?
- โ To whom does this belong?
- Overcorrecting and using “whom” as a subject.
- โ Whom is going to the meeting?
- โ Who is going to the meeting?
- Skipping “whom” entirely in formal writing, like resumes, legal contracts, or academic essays, where precision matters.
- Assuming “whom” is always more “proper.” It’s only correct when it’s grammatically the objectย not just because it “sounds fancy.”
Real-Life Examples ๐
๐ง In Emails
“Could you confirm by whom this invoice was approved?” (Formal business tone correct usage)
๐ฌ In Texting/Social Media
“lol who was this even sent by ๐” (Totally normal in casual chats “whom” would feel overly formal here)
๐ฐ In News Writing
“Investigators are still trying to determine by whom the leak was orchestrated.” (Journalistic and formal writing tends to favor “whom.”)
๐ In Academic Writing
“The theory was first proposed by whom many consider the father of modern linguistics.” (Academic papers strongly favor grammatical correctness.)
๐ฃ๏ธ In Everyday Speech
“Who was that call from?” (Almost nobody says “whom” out loud in casual conversation and that’s completely fine!)
British English vs American English ๐ฌ๐ง๐บ๐ธ
Here’s an interesting nuance: both British and American English follow the same grammatical rule for “who” vs “whom.” However:
- British English tends to preserve “whom” slightly more in formal and journalistic writing (e.g., BBC News style guides).
- American English is more relaxed, and “whom” is increasingly seen as old-fashioned even in semi-formal writing, especially in digital communication.
In both dialects, “whom” is fading from everyday speech but still expected in:
- Legal documents
- Academic papers
- Government and official communication
- Formal invitations (“To whom it may concern”)
Why “Whom” Is Slowly Disappearing ๐
Language evolves, and “whom” is a great example of a grammatical feature that’s fading from casual use. Linguists note that many English speakers now treat “who” as the default pronoun in almost all contexts, reserving “whom” only for:
- Set formal phrases (e.g., “To whom it may concern”)
- Legal and academic writing
- Careful, edited prose
This doesn’t make “who” wrong in casual settings English usage is shifting, and grammar rules often follow common usage over time. But if you’re writing something formal a cover letter, a thesis, a contract using “whom” correctly still matters. ๐
FAQs: People Also Ask โ
1. Is “by who” grammatically correct?
No, technically “by who” is incorrect because “who” is a subject pronoun, and prepositions like “by” require an object pronoun, which is “whom.” However, it’s widely used in casual speech.
2. Is it okay to use “by who” in emails?
In casual or internal emails, it’s usually fine. In formal business communication, legal writing, or official correspondence, “by whom” is the safer, more professional choice.
3. What is the easiest way to remember who vs whom?
Use the “him” test: if you can replace the word with “him,” use “whom” (both end in -m). If you can replace it with “he,” use “who.”
4. Why do people avoid using “whom” these days?
“Whom” sounds formal and old-fashioned to many speakers, so it’s naturally faded from casual speech, even though it remains correct in formal writing.
5. Is “whom” used in British English more than American English?
Yes, British English especially in journalism and official writing tends to retain “whom” a bit more than American English, though the grammatical rule is identical in both.
6. Can a sentence end with “who” instead of “whom”?
Yes! Ending a sentence with a preposition and “who” (e.g., “Who is this gift by?”) is common and accepted in modern, informal English.
7. Is it wrong to say “Whom is calling?”
Yes, this is incorrect. “Whom” should never be used as the subject of a sentence. The correct version is “Who is calling?”
8. Does “whom” still matter in modern English?
Yes, especially in formal, legal, academic, and professional writing. Even though it’s fading from casual speech, using it correctly still signals strong grammar skills.
Final Takeaway ๐ฏ
In conclusion, both โby whoโ and โby whomโ relate to the person performing an action, but they are used differently. โBy whomโ is grammatically correct in formal English because โwhomโ functions as the object of a preposition. For example, โBy whom was this book written?โ However, โby whoโ is common in casual conversations and informal writing. Although it may sound natural, it is less formal. Understanding the difference helps you choose the right expression for each situation. Use โby whomโ in formal contexts, while โby whoโ may appear in everyday speech.

Olivia Bennett is a passionate English grammar writer at GrammBoost.com who loves making grammar simple and easy to understand. She specializes in spelling, word differences, punctuation, and everyday English usage. Through clear explanations and practical examples, Olivia helps students, writers, and professionals write with greater confidence and accuracy.








